are you still at the devil's house?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
