Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
