I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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