I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
