TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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