i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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