...so i touched it.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
