Don't make out with my wife yet
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize