Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
