Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
