the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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