not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
