Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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