I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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