i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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