I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
