She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Randomize
