:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
