she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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