oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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