then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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