it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
