so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize