I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
