I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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