as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
