If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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