It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
