I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
