ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
