Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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