Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
