There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
