Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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