DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
