I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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