I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We left the knife in your bed.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
