You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
