Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize