sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
