I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
