I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Houston, we have a squirter
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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