i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
someone owes me an orgasm
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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