I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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