And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
