Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
