what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
