we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
