He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
