You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
