I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
