my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just threw up on my dentist
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
