We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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