i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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