So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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