she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
worst night to have a conscience
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's never too late to be topless.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
