apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
