oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
