During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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