He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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