I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize