He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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