He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
