She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
