I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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