He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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