someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
