woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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