I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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