Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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