Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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