It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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