He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
