How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i will never coherently bang her
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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