I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
