you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize