Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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