as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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