you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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