Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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