atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
