Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
my liver is dry heaving
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
