Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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