she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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