hotel room ftw
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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