Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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