He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
