Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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