well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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