these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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